Deep Dark Whole

This last weekend was the twentieth anniversary of my first husband's death.

It was especially poignant to me, as a reminder of how death affects those around us and particularly small children.

Last week I deeply saddened by the death of a friend and the two she leaves behind, her grieving husband and her beautiful little 6yr old girl.

It reminded me of the idea I had to write a book on death and dying pagans. So in honor of those I have lost and those who are grieving, I am back at this idea for a manuscript.

My husband died. Pretty sucky start to my year to be sitting a death watch for New Year's day.
He died on my first husband's birthday, after telling me for a coupla weeks that Michael was with him, and that Michael had told him he would not see 2009, but that we had a little time. What an interesting gift. I know they are together and he is ok. Michael told him to tell me he would keep him safe. Michael gave me little codes, and had Jeff repeat them so I would know he was with him.

I have lost all my cats, I don't remember the last time I did not have a cat. We didn't have a cat briefly when we first moved to Houston.
I am now about as alone as I have ever lived, yeop sux. Has also made me really appreciate how many people really love me.

I have a new Grandson. And a Granddaughter I need to go meet, she looks just like Michael. Grandkids is marvelous

I fell getting out of the shower. My back and hip is flummoxed pretty good, but I am losing weight. It was either lose weight or have surgery. I really do not want surgery. I weigh less now than in about 12 years.

My dad has cancer, but so far so good, he is responding to therapy.

My car died. I have a new car, that gets much better gas mileage. Someone has already attempted to steal it. They failed. Seems like everytime I make a little headway on my debt, I have a new debt to add to it.

I feel like I am on a roller coaster.

Not sure what I am going to put here, but it is not going to be locked, and it will be controversial.